Signs, Signals, And Behaviors Of People That Feel Death Is Imminent

I had a REALLY sad phone call yesterday, it hit me like a ton of bricks and felt like I needed an outlet to release some of the pain, perhaps one might even say guilt.

Why pain and guilt?

I received a call from a gentleman in his 20’s. He introduced himself and mentioned that his mother had contacted me for some life insurance – INDEED she did. She inquired on Friday, September 6th, 2019 and the gentleman called me on Wednesday, September 11th, 2019.

He asked a bunch of questions. At first, the questions seemed normal, but he kept asking more questions and more questions and I started to realize this was not a call about life insurance. So finally, this is how the conversation proceeded;

Me: “Is there something wrong?”

Gentleman: “Yes, my mother passed away the day she contacted you. You were the last persons she spoke with, at least in her phone log.”

There were a good 10 seconds of silence after that exchange, I felt completely overwhelmed.

So, now all the questions that did not seem normal made a whole lot of sense.

So I mentioned that nobody has ever called me with this kind of news. It was pretty devastating news to me, but I just kept thinking about this gentleman has just lost his mother, his feelings and why he was calling.

When I finally came back to my senses, I recalled when my father passed away, I felt a need to “investigation” and figure out – WHAT HAPPENED.

Now, I that I understood the purpose of the call I offered my most sincere condolences, without sounding trite. Then, we continued our conversation for another ten minutes or so, he shared with me some of the behaviors he found during his investigation. Much of what he shared I also experienced during my investigation(s).

Emotional and Behavioral Signs & Signals Someone Feels Death May Be Imminent

1. Giving away belongings and making funeral plans. Some people want to maintain control over their life, so they want to participate in making final decisions about their belongings or their person. How you can help:  Although it is emotionally hard for families to talk about final arrangements, it is important to let your loved one do this if they want. Everyone, especially the dying, appreciates having their choices honored.
2. Withdrawal. The person may seem unresponsive, withdrawn, in a comatose-like state. They are detaching. It is a typical end-of-life symptom. How you can help:  Know that hearing remains. Speak in a normal voice. Identify yourself. Hold their hand. Say what you need to say. This helps them let go.
3. Vision-like experiences. The person may say they have spoken to people who are already deceased. They may say they have been places or seen things not visible to you. This is not a hallucination or a drug reaction. It is common. How you can help:  Do not contradict, explain away, or discount this experience. Affirm them. If the experience frightens your loved one, reassure them it is common and natural: “Yes, these things happen.”
4. Restlessness. Repetitive and restless tasks may indicate something unsolved or unfinished is preventing them from letting go. How you can help:  Talk with your hospice chaplain. Help the person recall a favorite place or good experience. Read to them. Play soothing music. Give reassurance that it is okay to let go.
5. Communication and permission. Your loved one may make statements or requests that seem out of character. They may be testing you to see if you are ready to let go. They may want to be with a few select people. Maybe they only want one person. If you are not included, it does not mean you are not important or not loved. It means your task with the person is fulfilled. If you are selected, it may mean the person needs your affirmation, support, and permission to let go. How you can help:  Let your loved one know you will be alright. Say whatever words of love and support you need to say. Give them permission.
6. Saying goodbye. This is their final gift. How you can help: Listen. Hold them. Say whatever you need to say. It may be just, “I love you,” or recounting favorite memories you have shared. It may be an apology, or saying, “Thank you.” There is no need to hide your tears. Tears express your love and help you let go.

Lessons Learned

24 hours into this experience and it’s still an emotional roller coaster for me. I am constantly thinking to myself;

1. WHAT IF, WHAT IF, WHAT IF …
2. HAS THIS HAPPENED BEFORE WITHOUT MY KNOWING
3. HOW MANY OTHER PEOPLE I HAVE SPOKE WITH WERE MOTIVATED BY FEELINGS OF IMMINENT PASSING

This experience made me take a step back and empowered me with feelings that put what I do as a life insurance/retirement advisor & broker into a completely new perspective.

I am not a doctor, psychologist, psychiatrist, social worker or medical professional – BUT – the perspective is that life insurance is more than just “peace of mind, security, asset protection” – it’s about LIFE.

There is an insurance brand (forget which one) that says;

“LIFE INSURANCE IS NOT CALLED DEATH INSURANCE – IT’S NOT ABOUT WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DIE, IT’S ABOUT WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU ARE ALIVE.”

On the surface, I thought I understand the meaning, but now with my experience in the last 24 hours, this statement takes on a whole new meaning – at least my interpretation.

The Takeaway

There are LOTS of articles on the internet about the physical symptoms of dying, from a medical perspective. The conversation about the emotional and behavioral signs of dying is less prevalent.

Everyone that I speak with who inquires about life insurance, the first question I ALWAYS ask is (VERBATIM);

Why is life insurance important to you RIGHT NOW? (I always emphasize the words right now)

This question for me now takes on a whole new meaning and level of importance.

Additionally, now that I am more aware of the signs, signals and behaviors, I will be much more tuned in to responses to this question. While there is a purpose for asking that question, now there is even a higher sense of purpose and direction.

For you, I would hope that you learned something about the signs, signals, emotions, and behaviors of people when they feel something imminently bad is about to happen. This is not to say we should overreact (react) every time someone exhibits any of these behaviors, at least we are tuned-in to what these behaviors could potentially mean.